ZAVIONTHEARTIST - Boyhood Lyrics

I wanted to be what they want me to be
I really thought that worked for me
Elusive to my identity
Truly thought that little of me
Aspired when I know they'd see the feat
That white gaze intensity
Burning my heels
Back then It ain't all feel hollow
But that shit wasn't real
What did they see of me
Missing my masculinity
Molded by masses masking
While they think for me
Challenging that security
Debating and fighting ostensibly
I couldn't see that that grey area was killing me
Now I know better than that
But then I'm with Nate
I don't relate
When he talks about his past
Yet him and I are black
Yet him and I are black
Yet him and I are black
I'm blessed my soul's still intact
Even when I was lost
And ain't feel as black
If I ain't deal with that
I damn near asked for that
But Daddy wasn't a pastor
But cousin was an actor
Another cuz' a disaster
All my blood searched for love
Nigga That's all they was after
That's all they was after
That's all they was
Life ain't funny like the fresh prince
Growing up
Moving from
The dysfunction
I was wrong I was young
With some gumption
Hardhead soft butt
Can't tell me nothing
Nothing
Life ain't funny like the fresh prince
Growing up
Moving from
The dysfunction
I was wrong I was young
With some gumption
Hardhead soft butt
Can't tell me nothing
Cigarettes rest on the best corner
A nest that rest upon
The child soldiers
The pawns that's pawned off
Aren't they innocent
Information age
Yet they ignorant
Look what I've become am I so different
Two generations separated
Fly in the milk experience
White folks made me numb
White folks snipped my tongue
Raised around them young
But was around grandmama some
Summers at the yellow house
And that felt infinite and expressive
Free running down that alley
It was precious and protected
I wasn't pushed to a sight
The only fear I had was balancing a bike
Then we moved to where I now reside
Didn't think it twice
Should be a formative time
I'm still wondering why
Why It's so hard to return to the Chi
It ain't that far but I'm Carlton in my mind
That's how they see me and that's fine
So quick to close the blinds
Can they not wonder why
Like why am I so different?
White talk it's my fault
I Must've meant this shit
To be so disconnected
No I'm just neglected
Forced to think in sections
Code switch to get the reference
And look it's all expected
Man Ion' wanna be this shit
I don't even know if I want these scholarships
If I want these colleges
I'm looking for any and all acknowledgment
It hurt more to be that lost in my adolescence
I'm judged as a liar passive-aggressive
No It hurts more that the people that love me
Figured I've answered these questions
Life ain't funny like the fresh prince
Growing up
Moving from
The dysfunction
I was wrong I was young
With some gumption
Hardhead soft butt
Can't tell me nothing
Nothing
Life ain't funny like the fresh prince
Growing up
Moving from
The dysfunction shit
I was wrong I was young
With some gumption
Hardhead soft butt
Can't tell me nothing
Nothing

I wanted to be what they want me to be
I really thought that worked for me
Elusive to my identity
Truly thought that little of me
Aspired when I know they'd see the feat
That white gaze intensity
Burning my heels
Back then It ain't all feel hollow
But that shit wasn't real
What did they see of me
Missing my masculinity
Molded by masses masking
While they think for me
Challenging that security
Debating and fighting ostensibly
I couldn't see that that grey area was killing me
Now I know better than that
But then I'm with Nate
I don't relate
When he talks about his past
Yet him and I are black
Yet him and I are black
Yet him and I are black
I'm blessed my soul's still intact
Even when I was lost
And ain't feel as black
If I ain't deal with that
I damn near asked for that
But Daddy wasn't a pastor
But cousin was an actor
Another cuz' a disaster
All my blood searched for love
Nigga That's all they was after
That's all they was after
That's all they was
Life ain't funny like the fresh prince
Growing up
Moving from
The dysfunction
I was wrong I was young
With some gumption
Hardhead soft butt
Can't tell me nothing
Nothing
Life ain't funny like the fresh prince
Growing up
Moving from
The dysfunction
I was wrong I was young
With some gumption
Hardhead soft butt
Can't tell me nothing
Cigarettes rest on the best corner
A nest that rest upon
The child soldiers
The pawns that's pawned off
Aren't they innocent
Information age
Yet they ignorant
Look what I've become am I so different
Two generations separated
Fly in the milk experience
White folks made me numb
White folks snipped my tongue
Raised around them young
But was around grandmama some
Summers at the yellow house
And that felt infinite and expressive
Free running down that alley
It was precious and protected
I wasn't pushed to a sight
The only fear I had was balancing a bike
Then we moved to where I now reside
Didn't think it twice
Should be a formative time
I'm still wondering why
Why It's so hard to return to the Chi
It ain't that far but I'm Carlton in my mind
That's how they see me and that's fine
So quick to close the blinds
Can they not wonder why
Like why am I so different?
White talk it's my fault
I Must've meant this shit
To be so disconnected
No I'm just neglected
Forced to think in sections
Code switch to get the reference
And look it's all expected
Man Ion' wanna be this shit
I don't even know if I want these scholarships
If I want these colleges
I'm looking for any and all acknowledgment
It hurt more to be that lost in my adolescence
I'm judged as a liar passive-aggressive
No It hurts more that the people that love me
Figured I've answered these questions
Life ain't funny like the fresh prince
Growing up
Moving from
The dysfunction
I was wrong I was young
With some gumption
Hardhead soft butt
Can't tell me nothing
Nothing
Life ain't funny like the fresh prince
Growing up
Moving from
The dysfunction shit
I was wrong I was young
With some gumption
Hardhead soft butt
Can't tell me nothing
Nothing