You Won't - Douchey Lyrics

“DOUCHEY”
Douchey come and Douchey go
What does Douchey want?
Only Douchey knows.
Douchey done like he did before
I was Douchey once but I ain’t no more

I was seventeen when I first believed
I was young and strong, I was sad and mean
and it was ten long years learning how to breathe
in a bubble buried six feet deep

Only twenty-one, I was dead and gone
up and hung my head from the highest rung
and it’s a long way down from all Kingdom Come
to a mop and broom and a staple gun

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh when I was just a little boy, my daddy sat me down, said
“My son, you are a Douchey, Douchey won’t you do me proud?”
so I shunned the foolishnesses of the other kids at play
scuttled off my youthfulness and I just set out on my way
down the straight and narrow highway headed right into the sun
and when I got to New York City all the zeroes turned to ones
and I was wandering the sidewalk telling strangers where to go
I was singing like a savior in a manger all alone
’til I made myself a martyr and nobody seemed to mind
broke a window with my buttocks but my buttocks were just fine ’
til I woke up in a forest with my fingers turning blue
and started serving ice cream sandwiches to men in business suits
took a look into the mirror, said
“OH GOD, what can I do to feel like a human being and not a DOUCHE?”