The Handsome Family - The King Who Wouldn't Smile Lyrics

There was a king who wouldn't smile
Sat on the toilet reading ""The Trial.""
His dogs chased their tails 'round and 'round
Midget cars arrived stuffed with clowns
Who served him quail eggs on toast

Like a fish at the bottom of a pail
Like a cricket swallowed by a whale
Like a chipmunk who's chewed off his tail
The king who wouldn't smile

There was a king who never laughed
Fell in love with a two-headed calf
Tattooed his arm with the ace of spades
Filled his bath with razor blades
But the grass made fun of his shoes

Like a fish at the bottom of a pail
Like a cricket swallowed by a whale
Like a chipmunk who's chewed off his tail
The king who wouldn't smile

There was a king who cried and cried
Mice crawled in his shoes to die
He cried so much that herds of deer
Gathered to lick his salty tears
So the king crawled under his bed

Like a fish at the bottom of a pail
Like a cricket swallowed by a whale
Like a chipmunk who's chewed off his tail
The king who wouldn't smile