My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule
Been on the force of good since 1986, old school
I'm bringing you a laid back summertime jam
Hold on a minute, Link
Hey what's up, old man
I see that you're embarking on another epic quest
You're gonna use your ocarina to rescue the princess
But you need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
It's dangerous to go alone, take this
Oh thanks old man that is really very nice
I can always count on you for help and friendly advice
Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size
Oh God, that's not a sword, it's your dick in disguise
Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween
Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean
Wait a minute, Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going
This is a great chance to fondle scrotum that you're blowing
That was weird but whatever there is no time to lose
I gotta warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove
Wait this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City
This place looks just like Philadelphia, but even more s***ty
I'm at the corner of Deadcop and Prostitute Junction
Something in my ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do
Hold on a minute, Link
Old man, is that you?
This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
Well that's really kind of-
Gah, that's your wrinkled dick again
Look, I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men
Don't be that way, b****, let me introduce you
To my three best friends, Mr. Johnson and the juice crew
If you save the princess Zelda, well, you know you're gonna grab her
So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable poo-jabber
Oh my god
I gotta warp outta here, Princess Zelda awaits
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late
Okay, now I really don't know where I am
Hold on a minute, Link
Goddamn it old man!
You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
It's dangerous to go alone, take-
No! F*** you! F*** you!
I'm not giving you a-
I'm not touching your w-
Stop the chilled out groove!
Geez!
You come in here tellin' me you got a wee-wee weapon
It's not cool, I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not gonna s-
No!
So is that a no on the handjob, or-
Okay
