Joanna Perricone - Feelings Lyrics

I couldn't tell my mother, I couldn't tell my brothers
Just knew that I was different, different from all the others
That's what I told myself, 'cause no one would understand that
I had these feelings, all these feelings no I surely can't
See, I was 5 but I was crushing on the babysitter
I was just a baby scheming ways so I could sit with her
I remember crying just so she would turn and hold me
Like did she really fall for that? Oh never-mind, go me!
Elementary school I flew under the radar
Singing songs and finger painting while developing my gaydar
Onto middle school cool and my friend's looking attractive
I approached it like a novice teasing them and being nasty
Even got a boyfriend to cover up the dirty truth
What the hell you want from me, the fucked up things we do in youth
Couldn't hold it in no more, I finally had to let it out
I was 12, what the hell, might as well come crawling out

I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me"
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease
I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me"
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease

Tried to come out at a very young age, but I was met with resistance
And I hoped in that moment that I would feel relieved, but not quite in that instance
See, 'cause the girl that I liked was a tad bit religious, just a tad bit religious
But she was my friend and when it all came out, she was like, "Lose my digits"
Damn, used to hang out with the popular kids but overnight I was labeled a freak
This is seventh grade, I'm impressionable and my God how the gossip leaked
I was lowest on the totem pole, call it social suicide
Keep my feelings to myself, then go home and cry and cry
All the while terrified, terrified
This is who I feel inside, fuck these people never-mind
I know nothing's wrong with me, I am normal
But I retract from being out, I'm done with all these quarrels
Level of maturity I guess my peers have yet to reach
And that summer move to Florida surely helped me feel relief
The only thing I set to do was try my best to blend in
And all these crushes still prevailed, my prepubescent head spinning
Britney Spears, Katie Holmes, Ginger Spice I lusted for
Stocking up on fantasies like bottles in a liquor store

I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me"
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease
I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me"
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease

And the second time of coming out went much, much better
I was 15, part time getting cheddar
Bagging all these groceries for Kristen I think
She was 19, open minded and sweet
Probably more astute than anybody had been
And I got the green light, win win win
My oh my how the tables have turned
And if you're struggling with this, I hope you get what I've learned that
The inner voice inside of you is never wrong
Might face resistance from your friends, your peers or even Mom
But screw em', you know who you are, you know who you are
And who you are is so damn perfect
Never let another human being tell you different
Never let another human make you feel worthless
June 26th, June 26th
I lost my shit on June 26th
June 26th, June 26th
Think they finally get it, human rights in this bitch
And I know that's not lady-like such foul language
I guess I feel it justifies for all my bitter anguish
How you say in Spanish, "Sobreviví y ahora"
Visions of a home life, children and my own Señora
I couldn't tell my mother, I couldn't tell my brothers
Just knew that I was different, different from all the others

I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me"
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease
I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me"
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease