BoyWithUke - Understand Lyrics

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand, but I can't
Wanted to be your man back then
And you knew I fell for you
But you just broke my heart in two
I was sad, mad and broken on my bed
Hoping I get rid of all the voices in my head

I was opening a packet of an undeveloped med
When I was met with a prescription of a bullet made of lead
And when I woke up in an hour in a pool of my own sweat
I said, "I swear to God I'll never even try to sleep again"
So instead I took my pen and started writing evidence
And when I started making sense, I found that I had reached the end
Oh, I'm upset, I have no friends, you wanna bet, you're just pretend
You're just a pet confined within the lines of writing, you're not shit

I thought I stopped my psychopathic ways, I swear I did
I said I talked to people 'bout the problematic life I lived
They were my neighbors, razor blades and different flavored pills I hit
Therefore I'm at surely my last straw
I'm so gassed, stuck in the past, I said that

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand, but I can't
Wanted to be your man back then
And so far, I never held you with my arms
So it's hard to be the one you aren't with
Instead filled with anxiety, always was a part of me
Guess I'm not cut out to be

Somebody 'cause it's not me, I'm not used to all the talking
Was an introvert that had converted feelings into writing
Used to cope with all my problems using notes and lots of rhyming
Used to hope for better days whenever nights would have me crying
I'm not lying when I say that I would rather die than go back
To the times I would try and be the guy that people know as
Always fighting with the demons hiding far beyond my eyelids
On an island full of violence, in my head I had two pilots

Oh, the sun don't shine and skies turn gray
I feel it coursing through my veins
I've said before I'm not okay
But you don't listen anyway
You know I tried, you turned away
You straight-up lied right to my face
You fucked my life, ruined my day
But you don't know, so I'll say

Nothing can fill this silence
No one can love like I did (you don't know, so I'll say)
Nobody cares, you lied, it's
Not fair, you still deny it (so I'll say)
Nothing can fill this silence
No one can love like I did (you don't know, so I'll say)
Nobody cares, you lied, it's
Not fair, you still deny it (so I'll say)

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand, but I can't
Wanted to be your man back then
And too bad I know I can't wake up
Because I've lost my way and you don't give a fuck
'Bout me, this could be a dream
I can't see the things that you see, so please, oh

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand, but I can't
Wanted to be your man back then
And you had known and played along
You were my home, I wrote you songs
Now you're dead to me effectively
Removed yourself outside my dreams