Blockmalone, Isaiah04 - Kiki (Ocean View) Lyrics

I was 17, long hair
Changes had been everywhere
It's something that was hard to bare
Like mama's braids, I clinched the chair
'Cause it hurted me at least
Had me to share my sympathy
Had me to share this history
'Til I was filled with empathy

'Til I had an epiphany
Mama told me never should I lie
But I been lying to myself
Oh so efficiently
I been asking myself
"How you write the lyrics that you say?"
I start to listen back and
Think about them day to day
I'm afraid of change
I find comfort in the issues
That have plagued me since eleventh grade
Okay
I could fix them, but I know I won't
Cause thinking 'bout them is the only thing
That makes me whole
Uh

All around me
It's the same thing
People cracking cocoons
It's the same change
Coke and bottles
We all coping differently
But with me
I know more possibilities
Realistically
Recovery had no efficiency
'Cause I focused less on me
And more on persistency
But I ain't perfect
I ain't perfect
I'm me

Isolated all alone in my room, uh
Comforted me, saying it'll end soon, uh
It's a cycle
I treat this shit like an idle
I am flawed, I'm no one's idol
I need God, yo where's my bible
'Cause I need it very vital-y
It's collecting dust
Optimist to rust
This shit is hectic
Jumping to issues like a double dutch
My twin brother from Pre-K
Brooklyn days
Everyone was there
Now we are suffering the same way

Uh
Suffering the same way
Knowing 'bout it now
Yeah, we are driving down the same lane
Going through this tunnel
I'm now realizing
I'm just criticizing 'bout my past
Without the notion of the present day
Mama told me to be truthful, so
I can be better than I was before
Knowing me now, I can get more low
But you can't really tell me what life got in store

No more, uh
No "no more"
What I said is what I meant
The carvings on my core
Seeps through my skin
Until I turn into an open door
And if the world is ending
Who cares about the before
So
If I told you that I liked you
Then I told you that I didn't
Talked to talk
Hoping that when I'd wake up I would fit in
Dead man walking
But the corpse stays hidden
Dead man walking
But the corpse says

All around me
It's the same thing
People cracking cocoons
It's the same change
Coke and bottles
We all coping differently
But with me
I know more possibilities
Realistically
Recovery had no efficiency
'Cause I focused less on me
And more on persistency
But I ain't perfect
I ain't perfect
I'm me

I hope that you're listening
That I can appear on your page
Now I won't say your name
Or tell you to your face
It hasn't been the same
But I still think about
September 4th, 9:44 A.M
How my life changed
It's hard to say that
Without tears sinking my face
The only thing that I wish for
Is for your better health
Took a step back
Saw I relied on your mental help
I got caught up
Thinking about what I could've dealt
Couldn't see past my emotions
To see the way that you felt

If you're hearing this
I know that I'm an idiot
I'm sorry for my sorries
I'm just afraid of endearment
It's a pestilence
That's spreading through my brain
I've yet to find a cure
But I'm hoping it comes with age
If you're hearing this
I know this verse is stupid
You said that I've been forgiven
That our friendship's not concluded
I just...
I don't know
I just feel like a great pretender
The only fear I ever had was
That I'll never be remembered

I'm afraid of what'll come next
The fears and stress
Man, I can make an index
The fears and stress
Man, they can make you think less
But never forget
They just keep you in check
I'm set
I'mma keep it pushing
'Til life and death collide
Transcending straight to heaven
With tears all in my eyes
Or falling down to hell
Does it matter?
I kept it real
I don't care
I wanna reach that peak on top my hill
For real man
I'm feeling good man
Flying down on the city side
It's chill man
Innocence had left me
Now I'm on a new plan
Self love gonna keep you alive
I am my own stan
And
Family and friends
Who really do love you
The past, it is you
And your flaws, it is true
And I'm telling you
You got the world by your hands
And your potential is as vast as this ocean view