Tom Waits - Step Right Up Lyrics

Step right up, step right up, step right up
Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
That's right, you too can be the proud owner
Of the quality goes in before the name goes on

One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar
We got service after sales
How 'bout perfume? We got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?
Something for the little lady, something for the little lady
Something for the little lady, hmm

Three for a dollar
We got a year-end clearance, we got our white sale
And our smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
Act now, act now and receive as our gift, our gift to you
They come in all colors, one size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery
Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
Going out of business sale

Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
Don't settle for less
How do we do it? How do we do it?
Volume, volume, turn up the volume
Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
Don't be caught with your drawers down
Don't be caught with your drawers down
You can step right up, step right up

That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices
Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
It delivers a pizza and it lengthens and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been at large
Under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar, step right up
It's only a dollar, step right up

'Cause it forges your signature
If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
For complete refund of price of purchase
Step right up

Please allow thirty days for delivery
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
Swim in it, sleep in it
Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets that's right
And it entertains visiting relatives
It turns a sandwich into a banquet

Tired of being the life of the party?
Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife
And it walks your dog and it doubles on sax
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack
See you later alligator, see you later alligator
And it steals your car

It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
It's a friend, it's a companion
It's the only product you will ever need
Follow these easy assembly instructions, it never needs ironing
Well, it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff
Gives you dandruff and it finds you a job, it is a job
And it strips the phone company free, take ten for five exchange
And it gives you denture breath
And you know it's a friend and, and it's a companion
And it gets rid of your traveler's checks

It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
Well, it takes care of business
Never needs winding, never needs winding, never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, or psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon

'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors
It disinfects, it's sanitized for your protection
It gives you an erection, it wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer?
It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation
No salesman will visit your home
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot
Prizes, prizes, prizes
All work guaranteed

How do we do it? How do we do it?
How do we do it? How do we do it?
We need your business, we're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
Receive our free brochure, free brochure
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions
Batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
Step right up, step right up, step right up

You got it, buddy, the large print giveth
And the small print taketh away
Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
C'mon, step right up
Ah, get away from me kid, you're botherin' me
Step right up, step right up, step right up,
Ah, mmm, ah
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up
C'mon and step right up