Lucidity - Cold Nights Lyrics

I just wanna make a million dollars
I don't wanna have to worry 'bout the commas
But I can't say that, it'll come back
In every conversation, I'm debatin', doubtin' I can make it
Tripped up, I don't even wanna try
And the girl that I love can't even look me in the eye
I'm slippin' so fast, who the fuck am I
I don't even wanna write 'cause everything I write is shit
Man, I wanna fuckin' quit, is it me or my disease
On my knees, God please, God stop punishing me
What the fuck did I do, do I deserve this
My life, is it worth it
This pain is just hurtin'
I know you can see I'm bruised and I bleed
The most fucked up part is I suffer unseen
The world, they can't see that I'm going through hell
All the words that exist, none describe what I feel

I don't know who I am
Slowly I've drifted, my old self I'm missin'
You with it, I honestly don't give a shit
Trust in my life, it doesn't exist
Would I be missed if I just disappeared
This thought cloudin' my mind all the time
I just question my reason in life
Had a path full of purpose, now I'm just a waste

Fuckin' fighting and stealing shit, why do I do this
I don't wanna do this, I'm just so clueless
Can't cope with emotion, can't stick with devotion
I keep on just pushin' out people that care
Act like it ain't there, my need to be loved
What if I took a shot, go up above
Will it be different with God doing judging
Or would it just end in the dark, all for nothing

I don't wanna go to school
I wanna live by my own rules
Everyone that I know talks down to me
My friends, enemies, even my family
Any place I look, I feel so alone
Nobody is there, the world is cold
What came first, the punishment or the pain
I don't wanna be here anymore, it's hard 'cause
The holidays come and it's always only me
I'm just thinking 'bout how I lost my siblings
They split so fast, no stopping them now
I wanna move back, man, fuck this town
Ain't nothing I love, no reason to stay
I'm stuck here now, I can't get out, I
Despise everything that's surrounding me
And I'm so fucking lost, no way I can be found