Ivor Biggun - Halfway Up Virginia Lyrics

Now I'm just an old hillbilly boy, I ain't no city slicker
My interests is incest, bestiality and liquor
I live on grits and catfish that muck around in the fountains
And I'm just a cont-cont-country boy and I fuck around in the mountains

But I've been down in Georgia, I've been in Caroline
I've been in both their sisters and the hole in the lonesome pine
Been in and out of Charlotte and her husband's after me....
But halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be

Now I've got fifty sweethearts, they think that I'm a star
One of them says, "Oh baby" and the rest of them say "Baa"
You can depend on a four-legged friend and when I go out bonkin'
I dress that sheep in a gingham gown and take her honky-tonkin'

Two to the left, two to the right, hooves together and do-si-do
I needn't buy her a new fur coat 'cause she's got one that's curly
Just a jug or two of mountain dew and turnips for my girlie

I've stuffed my tool in a Georgia mule but I give them cows a miss
'Cause you feel such a cunt rushin' round to the front
When you want to give 'em a kiss

But I've been in Alberta, I've been chasin' beaver
Had a pokey in Muskogee with a three-legged golden retriever
I've been through Mississippi and her husband's after me...
But halfway up Virginia is where I wanna be

Had a bunk-up with a skunk up
Where the blue grass blooms
Had a good fuck from a woodchuck
And polecats and raccoons
A hound dog and a ground hog
A possum up a tree
And everything that bleats and barks
And can't run faster than me. Yahoo!

Now down in the creek lives Lou-Lou-Belle
She's a virgin and I believe her
But if she ain't good enough for her own kinfolk
She ain't good enough for me neither

I've had all critters great and small
In the hills of Tennessee
And every last one is female
'Cause there ain't nothing strange about me

And I've yodelled down the canyon
On both sides of Caroline
And I'll go thar' again some day
If her brother doesn't mind

I've messed around in Buffalo
From sea to shining sea
But halfway up Virginia is where wanna be
Yeah, halfway up Virginia is where wanna be...