Fiyablasta, Ashley Rose - Loathing Lyrics

Loathing
If there's one thing that I can't take
It's this world that's so full of hate
Never one thought about what they say
And the weight on my brain with anxiety
Loathing
Even when I try to escape
Trying to hide my scars from the pain
I feel so stained, and I'm saying that it's bothering me
Loathing

The feeling I got from jealous ones
The hate they spray like shotgun casings since their days are hellish ones
But I was frail when their words were flying like "Ugly Duckling"
This bird wasn't flocking with their feathers, so they were chuckling
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Saying my tone should be negro instead of white
But I thought I was being me, just like I was taught to
Yet, intelligence makes me negligent to my roots according to both hues?
And so they see me try to shake it off
Make them scoff; since the music wasn't gang banging, claiming soft
The way I talk, the way I walk were targets for it all
Small minded people couldn't picture my thinking large
Since it was different from the usual
I had to ask, "Do I have to be like them to be cool to dudes?"
Wanting to be accepted while wanting to change the same
The cool nerd became my aim, but they brush me off as a lame
That's why I'm loathing

Loathing
If there's one thing that I can't take
It's this world that's so full of hate
Never one thought about what they say
And the weight on my brain with anxiety
Loathing
Even when I try to escape
Trying to hide my scars from the pain
I feel so stained, and I'm saying that it's bothering me
Loathing

Surrounded by my peers pressing
Molded my esteem a bit as I start second guessing
Popularity's becoming more important in the seventh
Graded in the lower eighth cause good grades aren't all impressive
Still considered an Oreo amongst all the classmates
Though, I finally found that behavior has no attached race
But now I get picked on for my skill in athletics
Not too pathetic; still the sidelines and my cleats were magnetic
Attracted the outcasts, since my mouth casts kindness
Treating friends like acquaintances, since my smiles hide this
Feeling that no one really likes me; some don't mind just
Tolerating my company during school times; it's
At that moment, I hated how I stick out
Even though, I tried to become everyone's Malcolm in the Middle
That pressure caved me and crying for help
That night I won't forget where my mama knelt
Aiding me cope with my self-loathing

Loathing
If there's one thing that I can't take
It's this world that's so full of hate
Never one thought about what they say
And the weight on my brain with anxiety
Loathing
Even when I try to escape
Trying to hide my scars from the pain
I feel so stained, and I'm saying that it's bothering me
Loathing

The fact that I still can't escape it
The fact that half of my jokes are still self-deprecating
The truth that I see me as a failure in the making
Cause although I'm made amazing, I settle in my complacence
Am I hypocritical to push people to positivity
When I'm the same as them, by letting all my flaws get to me?
The hate decayed my flame a decade ago
Since my insecurities they called out are unshakeable
Caught up in looks, cause I ain't got them
Decisions have me shook; I slalom
Because chances I took end rotten
I'm broke as a joke cause I choked helping folks
As a CNA or PCT and seeing a poor me be TLC's
Definition of scrub
That's why I'm not showing me any love
I HATE ME! I hate that I hate me
Cause as a kid, I was raised to live a great me
But now I'm never good enough to even take compliments
Behind all the confidence is a man lost in his own loathing

Loathing
If there's one thing that I can't take
It's this world that's so full of hate
Never one thought about what they say
And the weight on my brain with anxiety
Loathing
Even when I try to escape
Trying to hide my scars from the pain
I feel so stained, and I'm saying that it's bothering me
Loathing

And lastly, I want to get out of here for good
And after I do, I don't want to pay no taxes, like, forever! You want the Fiyablasta, he has some demands