Filah Lah Lah - Defiant Lyrics

So little has been uplifting me
I cannot take any more
Something's gone wrong with my history
A fragrance that I never wore
Jealousy will not stop kissing me;
She takes over when she likes
I promise that I will get better but
I need something newer in my sights, oh

Isolation's the name
Overthinking's the game
Yes, I know I can change
But I need a new portrait, I need a new frame

Fresh outta options I can't stop it
Got so much weighing on my conscience
I don't know where my head is at
There's parts of me I can't get back
If I knew myself any better;
I'd be able to keep my head up
I wonder what I'm doing here
Reality is not so clear
Oh yeah, yeah
What do I do? What do I choose?
The more I play, the more I lose
Why?
Why?

Tell me what can I say? What can I do?
It's so damn hard, I'm so confused
Not myself on Monday, angry on Tuesday
Wednesday is harder, Thursday is useless
Friday is better, Saturday I can be more like myself
But on Sunday I'm frightened
Senses are heightened
But Lord knows I'm trying;
Not to be defiant
I don't know where my head is at
There's parts of me I can't get back

Yeah, I got nerve like a motherfucker;
I do not run from my L's
Pray that my ego does not recover;
'cause she don't take them L's too well
Said that I wanna start over
These patterns are getting too old
I wanna feel lucky like clovers
Have a conversation with my soul, oh
More things changed, they're the same
I refuse to be claimed
Emotionally drained
But I need a new mantra
New rules to obey

Fresh outta options I can't stop it
Got so much weighing on my conscience
Doesn't really matter now
I always find a way somehow; to be okay
If I knew myself any better;
I'd be able to keep my head up
I don't know where my head is at
There's parts of me I can't get back
Oh, why?
Why?
Why?

I think also because you, you love singing so much
And you love writing so much. The message- the message
In the same breath, ummm
You put a lot of pressure on yourself
But you also have to remember to just enjoy it
You know? Be gentle with yourself
You want everything to be so perfect
-and there's nothing wrong with that-
That's also just part of your creative process
You have to just like, go through everything;
The frustration, the feeling like you're breaking down
That's the part that makes magic