Christopher Leon - Shame Lyrics

I'm a king, I'm a God, I'm a fucking piece of shit
I got sins on my mind but it's time that I admit
Only time I feel alive when I stare in the abyss
And I'm staring in the abyss

Yeah, this first verse is for my sister
Punkin, I miss ya
I'm out here doin shows in Cali
I hope you visit
I know when I first got here you looked out for me
Gave me financial support and you never doubted me
And I love you for it
Got me a Mac, I couldn't afford it
You had my back, I'll never ignore it
You and Rob were part of the reason I survived
So understand that you'll always be part of my story
And I thank him too
I never felt like I belonged so I made that move
I always felt I was alone so alone is where I felt most comfortable
But that's an excuse I should've been there for you
And I'm sorry for the night that I shouted at you and swore
I was mad at mom and dad, you were a casualty of war
Ever since we were younger I wasn't the best brother
But I promise before I'm gone I'll even the score

I'm a king, I'm a God, I'm a fucking piece of shit
It may seem kind of odd that I come to you like this
Only time I feel alive when I stare in the abyss
And I'm staring in the abyss

This is for my mom and pop
I need to call you one more time before this album drop
And warn you what I'm talking bout
It was a little awkward last time I was in the house
But you need to know it's more than just me getting loud
I was such a scared child
In that square town
I didn't know that I would get treated different
Old men in the restaurant calling me nigga
Then I gotta be scared to come home to some whippings
I was scared of you, dad
I really was
Being bullied at school, then you, it was too much
So understand this talk was twenty years in the making
And I did my best to hold it in but I ran out of patience
I had to say this, no more waiting
All is forgiven, no more anger
I love you
Told me I'd live to regret and you were right
Because of how you taught me to react I lost the love of my life

I'm a king, I'm a God, I'm a fucking piece of shit
When they see who you are do you think they'll forgive
Only time I feel alive when I stare in the abyss
And I'm staring in the abyss

And this last verse is dedicated to the most beautiful girl
My sunny day
You were my world
You will always be my greatest failure
Because I didn't open up enough to you to tell ya
That I had some unresolved issues with my parents
You saw me at my scariest
I was in my father's face about to fucking bury him
Heard my little brother cryin I know I was scaring him
I was scaring myself
I was really hurting and I should've asked you for your help
But instead I just screamed at you like the enemy
Not my teammate
I'm sorry I was mean, babe
For what it's worth, I think about that each day
I wanna tell you that I'm sorry, girl
I know that I was wrong
I thought that it would all blow over and we would move on
But the pain it got deeper and deeper
As the months moved on I noticed you getting meaner
Yeah, our love turned into a mess I couldn't clean up
Couldn't figure it out
Your love language was in Spanglish
I wanted to so hard but couldn't translate it
But ever since that night at my parent's you started changing
I was falling victim to my rage
So when you started cheating I forgave
No matter what I did it wasn't enough
So I told you that we should split up
And then we did
I wanna tell you how much that I missed you
I got so sad I wanted to grab a fucking pistol
And end it all
But instead I'll just be a better me
I know that I'm the reason you were running in them streets
Goddamnit

I'm a king, I'm a God, I'm a fucking piece of shit
If you think of suicide then you know just what this is
Only time I feel alive when I stare in the abyss
And I'm staring in the abyss

You can never hate me more than I hate myself
You can never hate me more than I hate myself
You can never hate me more than I hate myself
You can never hate me more than I hate myself

I'm a king, I'm a God, I'm a fucking piece of shit
I told you all of my flaws, now do with them what you wish
If you thought that I was happy then you never knew the kid
If you think of suicide then you thinking just like Chris

You can never hate me more than I hate myself