Beadee - NOT SO INNOCENT Lyrics

I turned to the drugs cause I was paranoid
I was sitting in the dark I never made a noise
Life was getting dangerous so I had to avoid
I was trying to speak out but no one heard my voice

I got too addicted so I knew I had to quit
I tried so hard but I already made it permanent
I let my trauma win I had to give up to that shit
I kept on hearing voices they weren't nice yeah i'll admit

I didn't wanna give the look out that I was too soft
I put a fake smile on my face until it dropped
I was close to giving up I felt like everything was lost
When I woke up the next morning, used to wish that I was gone

Man I used to starve myself shit I lost so much weight
My mumma was so worried I can see it on her face
Seeing mum upset she must of thought what a disgrace
How the fuck can someone's son put their mum in that fucking place

I'd take another pill to try and take the pain away
I'd taken so much Xanax just to make me fade away
I'd keep it bottled up and then I'd make the same mistakes
I never had no energy I wanted to escape

I thought that I was failing and I let my farther down
I used to think he didn't like the way that I turned out
That's why I couldn't turn to him to try and work it out
So the drugs were my last option and I was committed now

I turned to the drugs cause I was paranoid
I was sitting in the dark I never made a noise
Life was getting dangerous so I had to avoid
I was trying to speak out but no one heard my voice

I got too addicted so I knew I had to quit
I tried so hard but I already made it permanent
I let my trauma win I had to give up to that shit
I kept on hearing voices they weren't nice yeah I'll admit

I didn't wanna give the look out that I was too soft
I put a fake smile on my face until it dropped
I was close to giving up I felt like everything was lost
When I woke up the next morning, used to wish that I was gone

I'm still feeling all the pain that's inside
I'm still waking in the morning tryna hide
Covering my face when I'm trying not to cry
Breaking myself down and i'm loosing all my pride

Fighting all my demons I can't push 'em to the side
Keep on tearing up when i'm wiping both my eyes
I've been surrounded by the darkness for some time
Every other day I'm feeling fine and it's alright

Can I get it in
Guess I have to fight
I've been struggling
But I dunno why
My mouth is bubbling
The corners are all white
My mummas worrying
I promise i'm alright

I turned to the drugs cause I was paranoid
I was sitting in the dark I never made a noise
Life was getting dangerous so I had to avoid
I was trying to speak out but no one heard my voice

I got too addicted so I knew I had to quit
I tried so hard but I already made it permanent
I let my trauma win I had to give up to that shit
I kept on hearing voices they weren't nice yeah I'll admit

I didn't wanna give the look out that I was too soft
I put a fake smile on my face until it dropped
I was close to giving up I felt like everything was lost
When I woke up the next morning, used to wish that I was gone