Alright, so my last analysis of Kendrick Lamar’s “King Kunta” was pretty serious and dealt with some pretty heavy stuff. Relax, guys, ‘cause this one is basically just about J. Cole getting a boner.
Well, the overall narrative of the “Wet Dreamz” has more to do with the self-consciousness and tension of experiencing sex for the first time while feeling pressured to maintain the performance of the sexually illustrious, but there is also some clear and serious attention being paid to the classic awkward surprise erection.
But, then, who hasn’t met someone so wonderful that they take their breath away make it hard for [them] to stand up,
and thereby inspire a nocturnal emission (at least half of the world’s population, that’s whom).
I ain’t Never did this Before
The song’s chorus echoes the overall theme of the song I ain’t never did this before know,
in between Cole telling the story of his first sexual encounter. A tale as old as time itself girl next door in math class with the fat ass pass[ing] notes
that explicitly requests the intimate sexual history of a starry-eyed young man who then pretended to be a pro…sex-having-person.
But Wait! A Twist!
The tragic comedy of life curdles and turns again. Cole’s dream girl (gross) demands Cole show
her his professional sex moves—trade secrets, things like that. Cole complies, sealing the deal with a casual sounds like a plan
after a quiet moment of thinking of her nude and begging his teacher not to make [him] stand up
because, unfortunately, this entire scenario has woken J. Cole’s lil’ man up
.
The Day of Consummation Quickly Arrives
J. Cole goes through the typical tense, self-conscious freak-out that young lovers experience moments before their first foray into Freak City (this is a fictional town)—trying to convince himself that his p**** is going to be big enough to f*** with
and that it doesn’t bust quick.
It’s pretty interesting, considering that this song confirms that the anxiety of millennial virginity for men is mostly just g******, I hope my p**** works like the other ones.
Thankfully, though, J. Cole’s wet-dream-queen reveals in the final line of the final verse that she was also lying about being a professional sex person. Presumably, the encounter that followed was good for the two of them (good enough to write a hit song, which is a lot better than mine was), if maintaining a clear “BUT WHO IS GOING TO FLY THIS PLANE” vibe throughout.
